Last week, I took the week off to spend with The Girl. Her daycare provider went on holiday, so I was it for the week. It was great! We spent a whole chunk of time together, the Girl and I.
A big part of that involved going to the pool near where I live, which has been a pretty standard activity in the summertime. By now, the Girl is an enthusiastic swimmer, although her chops in the water are still developing. So, we went to the pool wearing our bathing suits. The Girl wore a summer dress over hers.
When we were done playing ‘shark and whale’ in the pool (consisting mostly of thrashing about, with me as the whale, and the Girl playing the role of the shark …), we struck off for home. The Girl’s suit was obviously wet. And since she hates wearing wet clothes, I thought putting on her summer dress again over it wouldn’t be prudent. So, I wrapped her up in her towel instead.
Was I ever wrong!
As we walked, she got more and more upset about walking home just wearing her bathing suit and wrapped in a towel. Soon, she was crying, demanding that I put on her summer dress over her suit. She was shy about being seen outside the pool without her regular clothes. I obviously complied. But, this is a very new development that I did not expect.
I’ve found that at this age, the feelings like this that are experienced so acutely cannot be rationalized. So, I can’t really ask her why she should feel shy, or have a sense of modesty to that degree. To me, wandering the streets after a swim at the public pool was all a part of summer. But in her case, I do wonder if her being aware of her femininity is coming on early, that she is aware, perhaps more hyper aware than a boy would be, of being observed.
I suspect that I will be confronted by things like this more and more, and the learning curve will be steep. The different ways of perceiving and being perceived as that pertains to gender is a tricky business for a father with regard to his daughter at the best of times, I guess. I just didn’t think it would happen for us so soon!
I am reminded too, of course, that as I write about the Girl’s life here on this blog, I must think about what she would be comfortable with me revealing about her. I must remember that her personal space and her appearance, is her right, and not mine. I must be careful, and respectful, of what I share about her to the world, or at least to the portion of it that finds her here.
Pingback: Carnival of Modesty for August 27th 2011 : Is This Modest?
It is a shame that modern Western children possess such a sense of modesty about their bodies. I recall it being much different when I was a kid. My friends and I all swam naked at the YMCA pool without a thought for modesty. I took showers after middle school and high school football practice with the rest of the team, it was just what you did and it was no big deal. I saw my mom, dad, brothers and sisters naked pretty often, and none of us had a problem with it. But nowodays, somehow we’ve managed to make nudity in almost all contexts dirty and shameful, and now that extends to wearing BATHING SUITS. Everyone is so concerned with being “decent” that we’ve forgotten that our bodies are natural and beautiful, and nothing to be ashamed of. I am sad that your daughter was upset and nervous about being seen clad in a bathing suit outside of a pool. I find that terribly depressing. She should be comfortable with herself at that age, and certainly not worried about what other people think of her body, or what she’s wearing. She’s too young to worry about that kind of stuff, or to be subscribing to community standards of “decency.” Why should she care what’s considered decent or shameful? She’s just a baby still, she should love herself in any context. How did she get this terrible idea? I weep for our body-obssessed culture.
It’s hard to know where it comes from. I think that’s an important issue to be dealt with between adults who should be challenging the received notions about physicality, sexuality, and body image. As far as my Girl goes, the thing that ruled the day in that red hot moment was about her comfort, and about letting her decide how to manage it. I respected her choice to be covered, which is her right. The lesson there is that her body is her own, to be seen or not to be seen at a time and context of her own choosing. This is as it should be.
Thanks for comments!